Expect hope to be rekindled.

Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.

The dry seasons in life do not last.

The spring rains will come again.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

~~~o0o~~~

I have faced times in my life where I had little hope of my own happiness.

Still…Despite my lack of faith the spring rains have always come again.

Seeing this time and again, I am learning to expect hope to be rekindled.

That expectation is changing everything in me.

When you listen generously to people they can hear the truth in themselves, often for the first time.

Rachel Naomi Remen

A reminder to myself to listen with more generosity.

If you could have someone hear anything at all from your heart of hearts, what would it be?

I have spent much of the days recently in a twirl. Not really my usual deeply rooted self. I get knocked off my center when I feel hurt deeply. It is hard for me to maintain my equanimity and to not become possessed of emotionally dramatic thinking.

In an effort to calm my thoughts tonight, I sought Jaya Kula, a site about Tantra.

Tantra is one of those very quiet things in my life. Its always there…the same way that Buddhism and its very noble teachings has been there in my life for a long long while. The same way that the very basic Sufi meditations are always there in my life, quietly supplying insights and support as if they were direct transmissions with each tiny chant and each small insight into the Divine that they provide. There is also the pipe. That’s actually been there right along with all these things in my life…and they have each been there quietly. I have openly pursued other traditions and teachings with such an avid interest and I have made them all consuming. But these ways of praying and thinking and dealing with life unfolding and these ways of becoming conscious have always been in my life quietly providing me with teachings in the small, repetitive doses I need to consume and integrate the wisdom I can glean from them.

Each of these pathways that I’ve spoken of are direct realization ways of becoming aware and balanced. They are all the same thing really…they just bring a unique quality of insight into the question of what is Reality? What is Important? Who am I? and What is my Purpose?

What is needed in that path to understanding is willingness to listen and to set aside my assumptions of what Is…so that I can really understand. If I really understood there would be no questions in my being at all…Right? But there is. I am often confunded and confuzzled by my life, by my own thoughts, and most especially by my own heart….never mind being utterly bewildered sometimes about what is beyond my own being. I am a universe inside this little body. That’s alot to understand right there…and we didn’t even get to the recognition of my innate Divinity…nor did I get to the topic of yours and the great impact your Life force has on my being-ness.

Reality is a sharp and awe inspiring thing. It can overwhelm me and strike me speechless with its wonder and mystery that I can sense but which totally escapes words. Words just make it small and boxy and not make sense at all. It is boundless like the sea can seem visually…but in our minds we know there’s land somewhere beyond our sight. We know that for sure. Even if we’ve never crossed the sea. But the thing is? Reality is not bound by anything but our concepts of it. If we drop those…what’s there to root ourselves in?

It can be so scary at first. I’m learning to get past that fear and to see that I am in fact the root. This body is the root. I’m firmly tapped into this great boundless thing that’s all around the Me that is this body and the associated individuation that resides in it. It is my temple and my way of touching that infinity that is you and you and you…and all the green growing life that’s all around me.

Wow.

Can you feel me on that?

And this…these words and awe strike me in the midst of my muddle. How does that happen I wonder sometimes.

I know now after years of this being so. Sometimes a muddle is the cord that tugs me toward the next insight and wisdom that draws me ever deeper into this boundless awareness of what Is.

Sometimes my muddle is the guru because then I have a indicator of new ways and needs to grow and learn.

My current muddle?

Fear of having an open heart. Of being hurt.

I’m laughing inside. How did that happen? Me…who just found that I could trust myself am being challenged to go deeper into that trust…and so I am discovering yet more places in which fear hides in the shadows of what I lack full awareness of about me and about Loving and about Trust.

I feel like cussing. I feel like crying. I feel like running away. I feel like seeking the deep silent flows of peace that will carry me out of this muddle toward something so real and beautiful…so Aware. Something that I can’t imagine living and brushing up against right now.

I have but to trust and relax and follow the flow of right view and the flow of the pipe smoke and the flow of the wazaif’s insight into the devotion of the Divine. I follow the flow of Tantra as a result.

At least I do as best I can while muddled. *smiles*

“Neither sober nor drunk, sometimes I feel the joy of my soul’s eyes looking out through mine.

Other times I feel the curl of the Beloved’s hair and my life wobbles and staggers.

Sometimes, the seasons of life turn and I find myself back on the compost heap.

And sometimes, when her glance finds me again, I am back in the Rose Garden.”

Shabistari

Image by Rassouli

Posted in Happiness, Tantra Tagged: healing journey, Ideal Being, Sufism ]]> http://leafingout.wordpress.com/2009/09/30/the-curl-of-the-beloveds-hair/feed/ 1 Greenwoman2007 02-22-TheRose