Walking the Pipe into No Mind

Yesterday, I republished one of the last two posts from my former blog Defining Spiritual Presence, which was deleted a few months ago. This is the last one. It is the product of meditation time with my pipe and it directly speaks to the struggles I’ve had with the topic of Diverting and the long period of time that I’ve prayed about this issue.

I think now that I needed to get some big self hate/love issues out of the way. Now I have and lack of focus is still in the way, so is a big fear or two….but mostly its the bad habits of too much time on my hands from being ill for so long and the residual habits of self sabotage that were the side effect of a twisted self viewpoint. These things will take forming new habits…but these are the thoughts I once had about it and its a step along the process in which I’ve made relationship with my pipe in the past year….the first year that I’ve carried a pipe. Its a responsibility that I hope I’ve carried with grace.

I have had some moments of power with my pipe and this is one. I did not make note of when this was published originally:

I started my day today in the center of song and pipe smoke…It was my first time filling and smoking a pipe.

I discovered some things today. I discovered that it is hard to smoke the pipe alone. That is a lot of material. I hadn’t expected that.

I discovered that in the center of the smoke is the place of no mind.

Lately my prayer has been to step into the flow, to surrender to it and trust that in that place all that needs to be done, experienced, learned, accomplished, will be.

I am not so good at this. I instinctively seek to control…so that I need not be afraid, so that I won’t miss anything or loose anyone.

The truth is that I loose much in trying to control. Things constantly slip through my grasp.

I have experienced no mind before. I recognised it for brief seconds in the smoke. I felt it’s powerful presence. It felt like a huge relief to achieve those moments…to feel freed of the need for control, the sense of loss and disappointment that I’ve felt at not accomplishing important things in my life in a timely manner….because I procrastinate, because I micromanage things that shouldn’t be, because I obsess on stuff that distracts me from accomplishment.

Today, I humbly admitted in my prayers that I cannot stay focused; that I am incapable of it. I prayed for assistance.

Later, as I walked, I thought about what was next. I didn’t think about being where I was. I wasn’t mentally with my feet. I wasn’t noticing them moving under me, the sunshine, the wispy clouds. I only thought about what I would do after the walk.

I could only shake my head when I realized this, but I continued my walk, continued to try. I followed the flow where I needed to walk. I went up this steep hill which is a challenge for me if I haven’t walked much in a few weeks. Well I haven’t walked much the last two months. I’ve even been gaining a little weight. So I forced my feet up this hill, a hill that was easy for me in September and as I gasped for air as I did last spring when I first started walking up this little steep hill, I felt this great sadness rise up in me. I felt such sadness that my body hadn’t been exercising. It makes me feel so good. So happy. I felt tears welling in response to how sad I felt. I paused in the sunshine, facing it over the tops of the trees and let the glow of it cleanse me.

I am still trying to follow the flow. I will continue to lean into the guidance it brings to me…and to follow it into no mind…

Bibliomancy

Thich Nhat Hanh is my favorite Buddhist author. There is a quality of being that I really resonate with. I find his voice restful even. There are times when I feel troubled that I just get out one of his books and do some bibliomancy; that is I hold the book closed and let my finger glide along the edges of the clustered pages until I feel my energy spring and sink at once, indicating that my fingernail has a met a page with a right message for now.

This is a good spiritual practice. It is usually very useful to finding some instant teachings and comfort. I have done this for many years and always found it the right thing to do.

Today I grabbed three books. One was a book of meditations by Melody Beattie called Journey to the Heart. I opened a passage about saying good bye. That has certainly been the theme of my life in the past year or so. I’m a bit tired of that theme. Truly I am. I just sighed with this one and thought, yup. That’s where I am.

I took up the next book. Its a Sufi publication that is only available to initiates in general. Its called Nature Meditations. Murshid (master teacher) Inayat Khan write it. I opened this book to a passage about orange a color usually associated with the solar plexus. I thought…yup. That’s the crux of some other things going on in my life. I’m having some difficulty directing my life and in utilizing and controlling my focus and my energy toward accomplishment and good health.

I’m starting to feel irritated when I pick up Hanh’s book The Heart Of The Buddha’s Teachings. I don’t want to talk about where I am. I’m irritated and frustrated about where I am. I’m restless about it. I have struggled long and long in the same place and I cannot seem to get myself to stop…there’s a deep fear there. I know that. I don’t even want to voice it; its so big. I am struggling with it…I am facing it. I’m still managing to overcome the fear and move forward in the past couple weeks. Agonizingly incremental, nevertheless progress.

So, the book shows me a passage that says this:

The Twelve Turnings of the Wheel:

Suffering:

Recognition: This is suffering

Encouragement: Suffering should be understood.

Realization: Suffering is understood

Arising of Suffering:

Recognition: There is an ignoble way that has led to suffering.

Encouragement: Well-being should be obtained.

Realization: Wellbeing is obtained.

Cessation of Suffering:

Recognition: Well-being is possible.

Encouragement: Well-being should be obtained.

Realization: Well-being is obtained.

How Well-being Arises:

Recognition: There is a noble path that leads to well-being.

Encouragement: The noble path has to be lived.

Realization: This noble is being lived.

I can’t decide if I’m still irritated or not. The fact is, that it depends on which point/hurdle we’re discussing as to where I am on this list. In some areas of my life, I am at the final stage. I get it and I live it. Simple as that. With other things, I’m only just understanding some of the reasons I am where I am…that fear I’ve only recently identified for example. With still other things I am somewhere in the middle of the two. I am both encouraged that I’ve got more on the ball that I often fear and disappointed in myself that I’m not doing a whole lot better than I am. The truth is, I’m not living up to my potential.

Signs of Spiritual Development

Health, a light body, freedom from cravings, a glowing skin, sonorous voice, fragrance of body: these signs indicate progress in the practice of meditation. - Shvetashvatara Upanishad

I would add to this list, the ability to touch and be guided by the still peacefulness in the center of ourselves.

Deep Question

If you were to destroy in mankind the belief in immortality, not only love but every living force maintaining the life of the world would at once be dried up. - Dostoevsky…

What do you think about this?

Signs of Spiritual Development

Health, a light body, freedom from cravings, a glowing skin, sonorous voice, fragrance of body: these signs indicate progress in the practice of meditation. - Shvetashvatara Upanishad

Change

I posted this on my old blog, Defining Spiritual Presence in 2007. It seems to fit life right now…and its a lovely bit of writing, so I thought I’d share it here.

I woke today with bad dreams about a person in my life that hurt me deeply…and this was in my mind as I sat for my meditation…

My meditation did not linger on her….instead it lingered in the light and I found a sort of poem forming in me. Here it is:

Winter’s light is white and blue.
It tastes like cranberries…It feels like pine needles warmed in the sun.
It feels like the bite of the light off the snow that stings the eyes and makes them blind to anything else but the dazzle of what the cold can create.

Spring’s light is yellow and blue.
It feels like the color of crocus peeking through the snow.
It tastes like the starchy end of the winter’s squash mixed with maple syrup from the life of last year’s spring.
It smells like the mud warmed by the sun and saturated with the dazzle of the winter’s end.

Summer’s light is orange and blue.
It is the color of all the browned bodies soaking the sun.
It tastes like the sorrel that grows wild in my garden and the peaches that ripen near the end.
It feels like the glow of sunset on the water enchanting my eyes and heart and out of which flies the dragons eating mosquitoes.

Fall’s light is red and blue.
It is the color of sweet apple’s hue ripened by the waning life giving sun.
It feels like the cool breeze and the whispering trees and the touch of red from the syrupy tree that will next sweeten my squash.
The coin in the sky even takes a red hue to my eye and so to me fall is red and blue…

My meditation seemed to say to me…”This too shall pass. Seasons change.”