I did a bunch of writing while I was very ill over a decade ago. I have literally had three books that were nearly completed swallowed by three separate decrepit computers. Apparently at some point in the past, I wrote an entire instruction booklet on Tools of Meditation for Trauma Survivors. Its good too. Frankly, I was sitting here looking at it thinking that it came from one of the local groups that support abuse awareness and prevention. Then I read it more closely and found that I’d written the thing. *grins* I had no memory whatever of writing. I remembered after awhile that I was asked to prepare this for use with support groups so that survivors could understand and trust meditation as a tool of recovery. It feels good to become impressed with myself in hindsight. *happy grins*

Here is an excerpt from it on the similarities and differences between dissociation and meditation:

D=The intellectual voice that observes and evaluates all my experiences drifts or flees. It sounds far away. I am afraid to listen to it anyway, so I am relieved.

M=I remove my attention from the intellectual voice that observes and evaluates all my experiences. I do this because I’m interested in some thing else right now.

D=My internal mental and emotional guard and social persona seems to disappear. I feel vulnerable and helpless; as if my skin has disappeared and I’m naked with no defenses for anyone to see in to. I feel I have no control.

M=My awareness of my body is always present. It tells me when I need something and is otherwise silent so as to not disrupt my meditation. I feel relaxed because I have ensured my own safety before I began my meditation. I trust myself. I feel relaxed with who I am so I don’t need a social mask.

D=I feel like I’m leavingmy body behind. I’m terrified I’ll loose it, but I’m more terrified to be in it. Something bad is or might happen and I’ll be lost if I am in it. I have no choice.

M=I travel mentally of my own free will. I know my body is right where I left it, ready for me when I choose to return to its reality. It is a mental travel, not a literal abandoning of my body and its fate.

D=My body feels heavy and paralyzed. I feel numb. I feel powerless, despairing, lost, confused. I’m afraid I’ll die. I recoil from knowing more because I’m certain its probably horrible.

M=My body feels completely relaxed. It feels heavy like I just woke from sleeping well. I feel curious, calm, energized. I feel profoundly alive. I welcome any feelings my body and heart has to express, even if they are uncomfortable.

D=My breathing is rapid and shallow. My heart races. I feel the blood pound in my head and sick feeling in my stomach. I am bracing myself. I feel cold when I finally return.

M=My breath is slow and deep. My heart beats evenly and regularly. I feel refreshed when I return.

D=I wish that I could forget, so I do.

M=I embrace all my feelings and experiences, even when they are very unpleasant or painful. I remember my meditation experiences. I want to do so. I consider them clues to the wisdom that’s inside me.

© 1996 Shannee Green