The Power of Intention

I had a blog on Blogger until recently. It was called Defining Spiritual Presence. I deleted it finally a couple months ago. I exported a good many posts from that blog. Not all of them, but many that felt like important wise posts. Some things I merely linked back to. I forgot when I deleted the blog that I had linked to the original Candle Moments posts and such. *sighs…* Ah well. Those are prayers already heard and I need not keep them. Had I needed to, I’d have had a bad feeling about deleting the blog. In any case, I did save two more posts. Both of them were about my pipe. These two posts have sat here in my drafts box for months now. There just didn’t seem a moment when it felt right to re-publish them. For some reason now seems the time, so here you go…this post was written when I was working on creating and making a relationship with my pipe. This post was originally published in April of 2007:

I‘m just thinking…I tend to do that allot. *smiles*

What’s been on my mind of late? Well my process with my pipe first and foremost. This is indeed a process, not an event. It requires that I cultivate a certain attitude of willingness and self discipline. Not qualities I always have in abundance. There are times when I am like a train on its track though. I have momentum and the heavy power of intention behind me and it’s not going to be the least easy to get me side tracked. I have a look about me then. Determined. Preoccupied. *grins*

Anyhoo, it feels like it’s taking forever to do this pipe. I am remembering allot about gathering spiritual power as I do this. I know deep inside that this stone might have cracked any number of times so far in this process…but did not, because I did my meditation work properly….despite all my damned procrastination.

That likely sounds very strange…I’m sure. But it feels very true to me. So far, so good with what’s been accomplished so far. I am getting very excited about this process….mostly because the fear of the pipes cracking is starting to pass and it seems likely that two beautiful pipes will be taken from this one very ancient stone…and made into something to pray with….A beautiful gift from the Earth.

My husband’s pipe bowl will be completed by next Wednesday. My pipe bowl will hopefully be mostly done by the following Tuesday, provided my hands hold out for the carving process. We will have to wait a number of weeks for our stems to finish curing before they are shaped to fit in the bowls. We thought our friend had some dried ash ready, but he’d used or given it all away, so we had to cut some green sappy branches for the stems and so we’ll have to wait for them to cure. The good news for my hands is that I’ll get to go much slower at using them than I thought I would, so I’ve been able to continue blogging normally…though I haven’t had the extra strength in my hands to do lots of other writing.

But as I was saying…neither the willing nor the self discipline is always available to me. I’ve been struggling against some old feelings of self sabotage lately. It feels like walking through water to get myself moving on many sorts of tasks. Like I’m walking up hill through a wall of water.

It’s been getting easier in the last two days. I got out a spiritual tool that I haven’t availed myself of much in a long time. I was giddy yesterday from working with it. It definitely builds power in my being….and makes me giddy happy. All I could do was grin yesterday. It seemed easy to do anything I wanted to do. Things are shifting….*smiles*

Love has been on my mind allot lately too. I’ve been thinking about giving. I’m definitely a giver. Except when I’m in a spiritual process of my own or in relapse. Then I cocoon. It’s tough to get me out of my safe place and get anything out of me then. I resist being drawn out, because I don’t want to be drawn on…or because I am not well enough to be a battery for anyone else…and frankly most people who know me expect me to not only be a battery for them, to recharge them…but they expect that I’ll be able to pull a wealth of wisdom and compassion out from the “always full well” they figure I’ve got. Fact is I’m human and I reach the end of my rope and I refuse to be hung.

That hurts people’s feelings….this fact. I’ve never been able to figure out what to do about it. I’ve tried just telling the truth. What happens then is they want to fix me…so they can have their battery again. It’s true. They poke around, do something wonderful. I feel a bit more chipper and then the drag on the battery begins.

When I’m feeling good, I don’t mind this at all. It’s a part of being so full of vital energy. I have way more than my body can use at any given time…and many people are not healthy or happy and need what I don’t, but have lots of….I’m a source of healing, just by walking in the room really. But I can’t do that for others when I only have what I need and no more….and I’m too tired to draw up any more. Frankly, most people don’t even remotely get it. I can explain it…but they don’t really understand that they are feeding off me….or why the snack bar is closed. It’s hard for them not to be offended by that.

Those who don’t do this to me are the only people who see me when I’m in the state of been in for much of the last year…a time of initiation and deconstruction.

The only way I can give to these people is to love them from afar…to ask the spirits to take a look at them…in short to put them in my Candle Moments. I wish that could be enough love for them. Usually it is not…and I have to accept that.

I was reading some stuff at the Reiki Artist Blog. Some of what was shared there in a post really struck home….I was especially struck my the parts I highlighted in red.

Reiki Artist Blog » The Power of Intention: “The Seven Faces of Intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer

Creativity
Kindness
Love
Beauty
Expansion
Unlimited Abundance
Receptivity

An Ancient Hasidic Saying:

“When you walk across the fields with your mind pure and holy, then from all the stones, and all growing things, and all animals, the sparks of their soul come out and cling to you, and then they are purified and become a holy fire in you.”

I never thought of unlimited abundance as a face of intention. It is. I know that logically…but for some reason, there’s been a shift and now my belly believes it. Hallelujah. Might actually see some change now. LOL! And jeez. After my last few years…this stuff about mental purification and the Earth responding to me and feeling like a holy fire in me…

Yup. That’s how it feels. Many things feel that way to me in the past few years. It feels to me that people respond to my physical presence like that quite often. It is a bit strange. It scared me a lot at first. I think I am starting to feel comfortable with that now….like it’s okay for me to be a battery…and to be a well…and that this interaction only lights me afire further….makes me even more abundant than I was.

Just thoughts…deep thoughts. We shall see, what we shall see.

Here’s something else that hit me between the eyes. Now, after this conversation, it hits me a whole other way…but in the moment I read it, I was thinking about how little I’ve accepted myself in years past and that made me self neglectful. And I’ve been thinking of how I feel a need for a certain type of intimacy in my life…There are times when my self comfort measures are so very enough…and other times when I am not enough….and don’t feel I’ll ever be enough. This is why I have such incredible sympathy for those who wish me to be their well and battery. I know how that feels…to need so much and not have a known source for nourishment or the right kind of nourishment.

Living Life Inside Out » Blog Archive » Self-care is a Must: ““I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.”
—Jennifer Louden”

I am going to be going on vision quest next week…hence all this annoying deep thought the last couple weeks. *giggles* I’ve asked Meredith over at Reiki4life (Note from me in 2008: This is now a defunct blog) to moderate here (Defining Spiritual Presence). She’ll throw up a few posts to keep you all feeling entertained. If she’s in the mood, she might even put up a guest post, so feel free to be chatty with her. I’m sure she’ll love being chatty with you. I’ll be off line from Wednesday evening April 18 until the following Tuesday sometime.

Here’s a meditation for us all to share…If you have time, please take a moment to put yourself into this picture and if you like, share your thoughts with others here: