Visual Meditation #6

 

Sometimes you need a little spring when fall is here….

 

Candle Moment: Dropping in a Question

Monday’s Candle Moments is a meme. If you’d like to participate, please refer to this post first.

Recently, I wrote a post for Blog Action Day…about creating roots for vision to manifest, which today’s Moment will be a follow up to.

As I thought over this vision rooting post, I considered something that I’ve been doing for many years; querying my deep self about all sorts of things in order to understand myself and to guide myself from my center of balance; or my “pivot”, as my friend Anjolie calls it.

I think it necessary to ever clarify perception and vision, as they are not static experiences. They evolve as information, emotion, understanding, growth and experience infuses you with new and change. What is true today for me, may not be so tomorrow and the only way to ensure that I’m in full self understanding is to query myself regularly.

This meditation practice, which I call Dropping in a Question, is simple. I don’t generally just do this meditation. It is usually a part of a longer, deep meditation. I never really questioned why that is, until now when I’m writing this….and I suppose I find that just doing it only scratches the surface for me. There’s deep wisdom from my center, and then there’s deep wisdom from my core. Yanno? If I’m in the center of an intense meditation, I get to core of any answers that I drop a question in for. Otherwise it is simply wisdom. The core stuff is the source of your wisdom/belief; the stuff you live by. You may have wisdom or simply belief…but it is not always in use…you may not be living by it. It is simply stuff you carry with you. The core stuff is what is informing everything in your life, coloring it, telling you myths and truths about you. It may or may not be True. It is what you are living.

For instance, I may be living the core belief that ‘I’m not lovable’. This belief lives in my core right along with all the other stuff I know such as ‘you are Divine’. Both are true in terms of what I believe and live by…so dropping a question into that core will bring up answers that tell me a whole lot about what I’m believing about me right now.

Another example would be dropping in a question about decisions…Is this the right financial goal at the moment? What should I focus on next in my life? How can I deal with _______who is really hurting my feelings right now?

So…I’m in the midst of my deep meditation and I choose to look inside to the belly…the well/chasm/volcano/tree trunk…it is infinite space. It is warm, dark and full of truth…full of portent and mystery. It is the axis upon which my life swings…it is the pivot in my center of balance. Here is where all will be known…

I wordlessly seek in Higher Wisdom…a sort of knock at the door which says, ‘Look over here at me, I need guidance…’

I speak my question into the silence of that inner space and feel it drop into the primordial truth which bubbles inside me….

And up rises a myst…a mysterious mist that is full of images, sounds, scents, emotions, experiences that I can view. Avid for answers, I put myself into the mist to become one with that answer, that I might understand it.

I don’t judge the answer. I don’t reject it. I don’t accept it wholesale. I just take it in and let it be what it is…This is archetypal. Sometimes you’ll get succinct answers. ‘Yes.’, ‘No.’, ‘Over there.’, ‘Not today’…but mostly, it will be like a dream…full of symbolism.

Recently, I got answers that I just do not understand when I dropped in a question. Not only that, the answer was utterly unexpected. I had no idea that this possibility was at my core. If I embrace what I think I understand of this answer, then I will have to give up a part of my current identity.

I’m reeling a bit from this one. Not only that, in one swoop I am finally understanding my gay friends from a perspective that I never did before. I am learning that a part of my sexual identity may not quite be what I thought it was/would be. I never really understood before how much sexual identity effects one’s whole view point on life. I have always known that freeing sexual energy makes many non-sexual aspects of life charged with new vitality…but I didn’t realize that a change in identification could shake one’s whole viewpoint of oneself.

Wow. I have far more sympathy and understanding than before.

I am not ready to share deep details about this revelation as yet, because I need to sit with it. I need to let the imagery trickle down and see if I understood it right by waiting for more portents from dreams, more answers from query, more life…

I guess the bottom line point is, I would not have known this about me unless I queried myself. I have a vision for my life…but getting there seems so littered with road blocks. I know for sure that this is the right purpose for me, but I am throwing up those road blocks over and over and I have not been able to get a handle on it. Dropping in a question is a powerful meditation practice which helps me root such roadblocks out for me.

I suppose that since sharing this part of my healing journey led to sharing how I get there, I should say a little something about designing a question before I close this post.

Yes/no style questions are good ones for simple decisions that you are relatively sure of, but need a final deep confirmation about.

Other questions should be ones that will generate something interactive. The question should not have the answer included already. That’s presumptive.

‘When should I go to Ireland?’ is an example of a presumptive question because perhaps you shouldn’t go at all, you just desire to..perhaps Ireland is only one of many possibilities that should unfold for you. Perhaps there are ten trips between now and Ireland that ought to happen first. Perhaps there’s some important stuff about going to Ireland that you ought to consider first. Yanno?

A good question is ’show me the sources of this grief’. Here’s another: ‘I feel sure I am to do ___, so how should I prepare?’ After I drop in the question, I expect that I’ll get some images that relate to the sources of my answers…and in the case of the first example, I should also get some indicator of what’s powering most of the grief.

Now to continue with that subject of grief, its important to understand how intense emotion will effect your core. Grief is no simple issue. One trigger usually gets a ball of wax going on many levels. For instance if I feel sad about loosing my lover, I may also feel sad about not having closeness with my friends, with some other old hurt from the past and about disappointments with my goals…all because grief is a powerful hemispheric sort of emotion and it will jangle loose all sorts of junk in you once it takes hold. That’s just how it works.

With grief and complex emotions just like it, you’ll find it hard to be impartial to the answers and even difficult to formulate questions that are open ended, so think on them a bit and just write down what you saw without speculation for a day or so and then go back to ponder aloud with it.

Generating the right question is key to getting answers that are useful to you. Blessings!

Pickalily: The Heart of the Matter: Joy

I remember being about 24 when my mother and I began the slow process of renewing our relationship. She had become a drunk and I could not tolerate her behavior anymore. I distanced myself from her; even refused to speak to her or see her except just before my son’s birth once and again just after he was born when I was 21. We would exchange some cards and gifts now and then, but we kept it short and very infrequent.

I remember one of our first visits together. I went into her bathroom and found all these little daily meditation books. I browsed them a bit. They were full of all sorts of positive messages. I actually lingered in there, weeping for all the good stuff that touched me as I read those books.

I had noticed my mother changing. She had become joyful and beautiful to me…someone to look up to. Someone whom I wanted to be like. That was one of the most healing experiences of my life…to look up to my mother and want to be like her. *smiles*

Today, I was thinking what to write for this post. I was sitting at my desk just letting thoughts and feelings wash over me and I looked over and caught sight of a book I haven’t opened in a couple years. Its one of her old meditation books. I inherited them after she passed away. This was is from Melody Beattie, called Journey to the Heart.

Its not today’s passage, but close:

Oct 23

Cherish Joy

Choose joy. Then cherish and savor it.

Joy is not a fleeting emotion based on outward circumstances, a transitory feeling of the moment, a reaction to the scenery around you. It comes from within your heart like the waterfall that rushes out the side of a mountain. Joy is a runoff from the wellspring within you. And sometimes it is a delightful, surprising contrast scenery around you.

Embrace joy. Relish it. Even if those around you don’t have it right now, you can feel your joy…

Cherish joy. Its your treasure…. 

This passage feels like my mother reaching from the after life to tell me what to adopt in my life just now…and she is right. Thanks Mom…Yet another prayer answered…and that it comes from you just now is so beautiful to me. *smiles* 

Message from the bushes of my heart:

The wind is full of laughter if you listen well…especially in fall.

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Mood: Grateful

Tea: Licorice

Munching: Nuts and dried apricots

Song: I am not my hair

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Stuff on my mind this week:

Women to Women International

Also, I am thinking of the many times that my friend Anjolie has mentioned seeking the Divine in others of late and this post by Shambhavi called Navaratri Means Give Fearlessly

And of this last post, I feel the seeds of the next post I need to write about Leadership. It is satisfying to see that idea formulate in me finally.

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This week’s Card (s):

Here

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Friday’s Feast # 165

Appetizer
If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?

A Golden Retriever…because families love them and no one seems to be afraid of them…and they have the most wonderful dispositions.

Soup
What does the color purple make you think of?

That movie named The Color Purple, irises, rainbows and the first Mother’s Day with my  husband when every gift he gave me was purple.

Salad
Approximately how long does it take you to get ready each morning?

Depends on where I’m going. *chuckles* If I am going to go to a ceremony, it takes about 20 minutes, but that’s cause I have to pack some things first. If I’m going on a date or something, it can take up to an hour and a half to smooth my skin and primp all the way.

Main Course
How many cousins do you have, and are you close to them?

My grandparents came from families with 9 and 7 children. They are scattered all over Nova Scotia, Maine and the southern states. I have no clue how many there are…I’ve got enough trouble keeping track of the nuclear family that’s now sprung a new generation…so no. I am not close to them.

Dessert
Take your initials (first, middle, last) and come up with something else those letters could stand for. (Example: SFO = Sweet Funny Otter)

SG=Silly Goose

Standing Ecstatic Posture II

This is a post series which will culminate in a specific spiritual practice. For the first skill level of this practice, see Standing Ecstatic Posture

Begin with the first posture. When your arms are at your sides again, remain aware of the white light flooding you from above and all around you. Inhale and again clench your arms, but do not raise them. This will cause your heart chakra to open spontaneously and suddenly. Remember not to clench you knees, leave them ever so slightly bent. Find the right angle for your head as you do this posture. Allow your heart chakra to connect with the heart source of the Divine. Breathe in the circuit. Release the posture with an exhale and relax the muscles.

Next Thursday, look for a post called The Divine Light Invocation, which will be the last in this post series on ecstatic postures, invocation and chakra skills. I may feel ready by the week following to pick up my discussion on general leadership by then. *smiles*

Visual Meditation #5

 

What do you see?

 

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Unknown artist

 

 

The following images were found by doing a Google search on ‘river of life’ about a year ago. I do not know the artists.

 

 

 

 

This last artist is also unknown.

 

 

 

 

Candle Moment: Forgiveness

I found this youtube piece on At Twilight….a very nice blog.

A part of grieving is acceptance…acceptance of what is. Acceptance of what was. A choice to take into the future what you wish to keep close to the heart.

I’ve been really struggling with this grieving. Today I was realizing that a part of acceptance is forgiveness.

This song doesn’t speak exactly to what I feel and I could do without the biblical quotes…but its a beautiful rendition of a good song that reminds us all about the importance of not seeing others as a possession. I think I might have a new favorite singer…*smiles*

Here’s another good post on that topic:

Falling Into The Heart

I was thinking about something else that a new friend named Rob was saying recently to my dear friend Blue….that you get stuck in grief if you think only about the loss. If you think about all the good stuff you are freed….and you get all the sense of gratitude, empowerment and appreciation of that good stuff, even if the source of it has moved out of your sphere of daily life.

Good stuff.

I’m thinking on it and trying to act on this by following the traditions of Jewish Shiva, the grief ritual of remembering all the wonderful things of the one you love and have lost, so that you can really let that loved one go without resentment or pain….and integral to this ritual of grief is the act of sharing that good stuff with your friends. Being witnessed is empowering.

I don’t want to let go of some really good stuff that made me whole…and I don’t want to be held hostage to my sense of loss….so I am practicing the ritual of Shiva in my circle of friends.

This is a very difficult subject for me…I would really appreciate some discussion about your own experiences with disappointment and loss in the comments.